My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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