how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
