Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
