Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
