i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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