Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize