I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
