We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
