I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
