hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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