Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
