Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
