ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize