im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
where are my eyebrows?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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