Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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