WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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