I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
thus making me awesome and them whores
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
