Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
