You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
