My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
