In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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