The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
