I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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