you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
