Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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