HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
