The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
