My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
