My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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