Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
