2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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