u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
