There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
