just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
