i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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