You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This baby is an asshole
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
