So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize