I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had sex on a roof
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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