And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
