And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
