she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
