i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
