I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We need a shit load of segways right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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