i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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