They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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