I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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