mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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