i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize