his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
