My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
