Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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