Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
