Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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