There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'd cum for enchiladas.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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