i need an iv and a liver transplant
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
