Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
