the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
