I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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