clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
