Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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