the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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