It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
