What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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