you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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