im six kinds of drunk right now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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