i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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