I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
