Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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