Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize