You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
