I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
