I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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