If that was your dad, he is hot
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
