I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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