I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize