What did we do last night that was yellow?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
