non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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