my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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