well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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