what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
