oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize