She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
