She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
