Barsexuality is the new black.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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