Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize