My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
...so i touched it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
