If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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