I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
