You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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