We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
