At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
