Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
