No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
