Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize