by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
