I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize