First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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