I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
