my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
