in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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