Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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